Mixed Signals - Chapter 1

This is the first chapter of Mixed Signals, the second book I completed. It's sort of in the same universe as Being Bookish, but not directly involving that friend group. I adore Noah, though be warned, he is the hot mess of hot messes. Mel is one of my favorite FMCs; she's who I wish I were sometimes, if I had more confidence. And yes, we share a pen name. I have to admit, she had it first.

Chapter 1 - Noah

It was one of those weird pandemic crushes. Noah first noticed her at the gate; she was tall and had long, wavy brown hair streaked with dark gold highlights, pulled into a low ponytail and threaded through the back of a baseball cap. Most of her face was obscured between the cap and the KN95 mask she wore. She had huge eyes, though. They were a fascinating kind of brown and blue marbling. Really unusual. He kept trying to cut glances at them when she looked down at the Sarah J Maas book she was reading. Sometimes, she seemed to feel his regard, and at least once, she looked up and caught him staring. Noah flushed and looked off at the big window and the planes roaring off to parts unknown.

So, of course, as two people traveling alone in first class, he ended up sitting right next to her. 

This was both wonderful and terrible. 

Being this close gave him a chance to see details about her that he wouldn’t have otherwise. It also meant they were in close proximity, which Noah rarely did well with. He would have been content to have been… maybe across from her and down a row, where he could admire her in peace, catching the view of her profile, watching her if she got up. He could daydream about who she might be and what she might look like under that mask without the discomfort of actually interacting with her.

But no, there she was, tucked up against the window, with him unintentionally manspreading all over the place, blocking her in. Not that she was petite herself. The girl was tall, and her legs were almost as uncomfortably pulled in as his were. First class was necessary when you topped off at six foot, five inches. She had to be just under six feet, maybe five-ten, or eleven. He muttered repeated apologies and did his best to not invade her space. She watched his antics calmly. The slight crinkling of her eyes might have indicated a small smile under the mask. Noah was pretty good at reading the signs nowadays. Everyone was. 

Noah finally got himself settled and was fidgeting a bit nervously while the girl… woman next to him plucked out some tiny earbuds, screwed them into her ears, and started a playlist on her iPhone. Noah felt his heart trip when he saw that the playlist had Thomas Dolby and Laurie Anderson on it. He shot another closer look at her as she bent to the task. No, despite the music choices, she wasn’t old enough to be an X-Genner. The fine lines around her eyes, maybe early thirties? It’s hard to tell, not having access to the whole of her no doubt beautiful face. Yes, beautiful. Noah was sure it must be. She moved with the confidence of an attractive person. 

He was a keen observer of people, to begin with, and the paradigm shift of the pandemic had only thrown that into sharper relief. He found, with so many faces covered, he looked to other forms of body language to extrapolate his observations. Even if she was not as striking as his mind was already presuming, he knew she’d be pretty, just due to her confidence. 

Confidence equaled attractiveness. He’d seen it over and over. Not some guys’ showy, car salesman-ish confidence, but the sort of low-key ease of someone utterly present in their body and confident in it. Perhaps one might more accurately say that confidence was attractive. Even people who weren’t what one might consider beautiful often appeared and were perceived as more appealing if they excluded confidence.

Sometimes, one might ascribe it in men as alpha energy, but over time, Noah came to see that a lot of the time, “alpha energy” was just misguided machismo. It usually hid insecurities and hang-ups. BDE seemed more apropos. Bless Pete Davison for giving the formerly beta, funny guys an opening. In women, it was a simple, low-level thrum of energy. Noah was pretty sure this woman had it. She didn’t seem at all phased by anything around her. 

He groaned inwardly at her choice of putting in the ear pods, knowing it would be much harder to strike up any sort of conversation, terrifying though the idea was. The act itself was the airplane equivalent of a do not disturb sign. He knew blowing past it would show he was a certain type of guy. He had no intention of making her think that of him. 

He’d have to do something to draw her out if he wanted to talk to her. But did he really? Better just to sit and watch her and spin his own story about who she was and what they could have together. That had been his intention from the moment he’d seen her. No need to get greedy about it just because fate put them next to each other on this flight.

So he made himself settle back. Noah watched as she hovered her finger over a song, tapping on Flying North as the plane surged forward for takeoff. He grinned. She was soundtracking her experience. Something about that tickled him. 

She leaned towards the window, intent on the view of their takeoff, and Noah brought the song to his mind, letting its insistent rhythm flood his memory. 

Metal bird dip wing of fire,

Whose airlines comb dark earth.

The poles were tethers we were born in. 

He wondered who she was. 

What was her name, and why was she on this flight? Was she coming home or heading off? He watched her quietly as she settled herself, pulling a sticker-covered laptop from her bag. She flipped to another playlist whose title he didn’t catch. She tucked her phone in her hoodie pocket. Once she’d cracked the laptop, Noah eased his seat back and started messing randomly with his phone so he could look at her screen surreptitiously. 

After signing on to the in-flight Wi-Fi, she checked her email briefly, which informed him that her name was, in fact, Mel Connor, which was… well, okay, not exactly what he might have been thinking. Mel… huh. Not the most feminine… but then, who was he to pass judgment on that sort of thing? She skimmed and exited, not reading anything, but several of them seemed to be from some sort of agency… something about books, interesting. She was out of that and into her chat next. She popped a quick message off to someone named Ette, saying she’d be in by around seven and thanking Ette for watching over Frank.

Fuck, who was Frank? The question was quickly answered when Ette sent back a message saying it was no problem, that Frank was the best boi in the universe, along with a picture of a young, green-eyed orange tabby with a white bib. Ah. 

Mel messaged back that hims was soooo handsome and some other silly comments were exchanged between the two before Mel, (yeah, the name was growing on him) popped out of chat and into Google Docs. She quickly opened a file titled J&K Draft. 

She scrolled through, and he saw her jaw working. He wondered if she was chewing on her lip or murmuring to herself. With the mask in place, it was impossible to tell. He liked how self-possessed she was now, as she jumped header links to the tenth chapter, then scrolled quickly to the end of the document. Noah watched in fascination as her fingers flew over the keyboard, rattling the keys. She was fast but a very aggressive typist. Noah shifted a bit. Careful to not be obvious, he started reading the words that flowed across the screen.

It was some kind of… story. A group of friends were off on a trip to California for a high school reunion. Ah! Maybe that was why she was flying into Tampa from LA. It must have been a research trip or something. She bounced back and forth between the story and a document filled with tons of bullet-pointed notes. He was impressed with the speed with which she worked. He also liked the expressions, well, half expressions given the mask, that crossed her face as she wrote. But more importantly, he was impressed with her writing. The story was funny and engaging. There was a romantic interest between two of the main characters, at the point where things were just heating up between them. 

Noah’s eyes widened as he watched the scene unfold. It was fucking filthy! Wow, and um, really well written, so… it was, um. 

Shit. 

Noah shifted a bit and suddenly scrambled to pull out the little table to cover his crotch. Jesus. He felt like he should look away, but he was so drawn in, and frankly, it was getting good. He shifted a bit more, ensured he was covered, and finally just sat back and enjoyed it. Eventually, she had the scene come to a… well, a climax. Noah was so blown away. It wasn’t just that it was sexy. It was sexy as hell. But it was also beautiful and… romantic. 

The feelings of the two main characters made him literally ache. It was like the stories he’d spin in his head. He’d see a pretty girl somewhere in a restaurant or theater… Hell, he’d been in love several times on silent meditation retreats with women he had never spoken to. Noah was content to spin little stories and imaginary tales of who that woman was and what could develop between them. 

He never took it beyond his imagination. There was no point. No one would ever want him, so there was no sense trying to hope for anything beyond his fantasies. He sat back and rubbed at his chest in dismay. He hadn’t meant to let himself get off on a depressing track. He shook himself and continued reading over her shoulder, enjoying the hell out of her story. 

Mel was a workhorse. She typed and typed. Hour after hour, Noah watched the story unfold. He was utterly pulled in. He was so caught up that he forgot to be careful. At one point, she shifted back suddenly and caught him, eyes glued to her screen. Frowning (he could tell by the creasing of her brow), she quickly hid her browser. Noah put his hands up. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to! I just… I glanced over and next thing I knew I was completely hooked! I’m so sorry, I just… you are an amazing writer!” Noah could feel the panic rising. He shook his head and held his body as far away from her as he could. His hands started to tremble, and he cursed himself for being a complete loser. He was going to freak her out. The crease between her eyebrows was getting deeper. “I’m so, so sorry. It was wrong, I just… it was so good.”

Shit, Noah thought.

Mel - 1

Mel stared at the man in the seat next to her. She’d caught his eye accidentally earlier at the gate. Always a bit awkward, especially given that she ended up sitting next to him. Despite his impressive height and stature, He’d been considerate, trying to keep out of her space. He had a thick tangle of spiraling, strawberry blond hair just long enough that he had most of it tugged back into a very small, high ponytail, with a couple loose waves framing his face and the loveliest gray-blue eyes with dark blue ringing the irises. 

He also had insanely long reddish-blond eyelashes. Like so many men, he was unfairly blessed, while women like Mel had to screw around with mascara to get anything worth looking at. He wasn’t what she might normally consider her type. She tended to prefer guys with an academic vibe. Something about him said ‘jock’ to her. Maybe it was his body. He was, well, fit seemed to be an understatement. The sculpting of his torso was clear under the snug, long-sleeved T-shirt he wore, and corded forearms were on full display with his pushed-up sleeves.

Right now, however, the big, handsome-looking man’s eyes above his mask showed something like mild panic. He shook his head and apologized again. His hands were clenched tightly. 

What the actual hell?

“Hey, hey,” she leaned in a little, keeping her voice low. She didn’t get too close. “Hey, what’s your name?”

“Noah,” he mumbled.

“Noah, I’m… ah, Mel. Listen, it’s okay, alright?”

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

“Look, I’m not nuts about people reading my stuff raw, I mean, the typos… ugh.” She stuck her tongue out, realized he couldn’t see it under the mask, and grinned hugely so he could see it around her eyes. “But if it was good enough to pull you in, well, I’m flattered, really.”

“Okay, okay then.” He ducked his head a bit. Adorable, she thought. This was the kind of guy who she’d have expected to try to hit on her, down too many little bottles of liquor, take up all the room, and then hit on the stewardess for good measure. Well, if you went by the general presentation. She took in the athletic pants. The shirt was for some band she didn’t know (it looked like screamy guy music). Big ass, expensive-looking kicks… But she could see a flush of embarrassment on the upper edges of his cheekbones, just above the line of the KN95 he wore. She sat back and closed her laptop, cocking her head at him.

“So what pulled you in, if you don’t mind me asking?” She liked how his eyes suddenly sparked with interest and how he leaned in a little.

“Jesus, the banter! You had June and Sissa deconstructing the night’s events. I… I kept having to bite my tongue, I wanted to laugh so badly! Then when you switched perspectives to Kell and Matty, just… just the contrast of the way the guys saw it. It was hilarious.”

“Did you feel the guys’ perspectives were on point?” she asked quickly. She had a rare opportunity for a male perspective here, and she sure as hell wouldn’t waste it.

“Yeah, no, you did a great job. I mean, they’re close, right? They use humor to dance around more serious stuff. That’s pretty commonplace, I’d say.”

“Cool… cool, cool, cool,” Mel muttered thoughtfully, earning a chuckle from Noah. “So nothing hit wrong?”

“Well,” he suddenly looked nervous again. Mel leaned in and reached for his arm but stopped herself from touching it. Don’t touch strangers, Mel, she reminded herself for the five hundredth time. Especially not during a pandemic, for fuck’s sake. 

At least they were at the end of it all, or so it seemed. She was vaccinated and boosted and finally dared to fly. She, Noah, and about a third of the people on board were wearing masks, but most weren’t even bothering anymore. She focused her thoughts and zeroed in on Noah; she wanted this feedback.

“Listen, I promise you I won’t be offended. Do you have any idea how rare it is to get an actual guy who is interested in what I’m writing and willing to give me feedback? I need your brain Noah, do it for science!”

“For science?” he asked. She could tell he was grinning again, good.

“Okay, do it for all the poor women out there who need good smutty romance stories where the book boyfriend is grounded in at least some semblance of reality!” He threw his head back and actually laughed at that. It was a really nice laugh.

“I thought the whole point was a break from reality?” 

Wow, this guy is built and perceptive, Mel thought. 

“True, true, but if he’s too unrealistic, it’s not enjoyable. We need to feel like…” she leaned in further, her tone growing more excited as she warmed to her subject. “We need to feel like this guy could actually exist out there somewhere! If he’s too fantastical, it can make people disconnect, because the hope that he could be out there somewhere in the real world for the reader gets damaged.”

“Wow, I’d never want to take someone’s hope away.” He gave her a solemn look over his mask.

“Exactly! The romance readers of the world need you Noah! It’s imperative!”

“And now I’m getting performance anxiety,” he quipped, then colored a bit.

“Happens to the best of us,” she reassured him jokingly and, unable to stop herself, patted his arm encouragingly. His eyes flicked down to where she’d touched him, and when they rose, they crinkled even more. She wondered if he had dimples. If he did, she was sure they’d be showing now. “So what didn’t jibe?” she asked.

“Well, I think guys really stress about being open with other guys, even best friends. With the dynamic of Kell and Matty, I feel like the sudden seriousness of Kell’s subject change and confession felt a little abrupt. I think he’d almost…” he paused and looked thoughtful. 

Can I hire you? She thought. Or at least take you home so I can see if you have dimples? She grimaced mentally. Shut up, Mel. 

Noah was continuing. “I think Kell would probably test the waters with a couple of jokes first. Maybe it’d even be Matty who finally is like, ‘Hey, so she’s kind of special to you, yeah?’ Um… is that… shit, did I offend you? I offended you didn’t I?”

Mel realized she was staring at him wide-eyed. She literally had to restrain herself from grabbing his face in her hands.

“Noah! That’s freaking brilliant! That’s exactly how it should go! Thank you!” His eyes lit up in pleasure. Once the ice was broken, it felt easy to continue talking to him. She also quickly amended her earlier jock judgment as they chatted. 

Not that he wasn’t athletic, that was obvious, but he was smart. Whip-smart, with an understanding of human nature that, blew her away. His insights were precisely the things a head-in-the-clouds storyteller like her needed the perspective of. Why he was so good at it soon became obvious.

“And that’s an actual job?”

“Mmm hmm,” he nodded. The stewardess came by then, asking again if they’d like anything to drink. Noah had again refused and kept his mask firmly in place. Mel had gotten a soda initially but hadn’t ended up drinking any of it, afraid removing her mask for that brief moment would make him uncomfortable. 

“So what kind of companies do you do this… “

“Personality Science.”

“Personality Science, who uses it?”

“Well, almost any business. Lately, I’ve been working with an innovative gaming company. We are applying it not only to marketing strategies, but within the game structure itself. Using it in the AI algorithms for NPCs, and potential relationship and companion programming. It’s really fascinating.”

“Wow, I bet! How does one get into Personality Science?”

Noah ducked his head, and she saw his eyes crinkle in a smile again. “Well, for me it was that I was always interested in human behavior. I like watching and interpreting why people do what they do. I ended up going into psychology, but not to be a therapist. I was more interested in the research and analysis side of things. I also study neurology to better grasp the medical and structural reasoning behind how personality and the mind work. And I got into anthropology, but mostly just on my own. Philosophy, too… There are a lot of things that can overlap and deepen understanding. What I do is a little different than straight personality science, which largely operates on this ‘big five’ model. I like to get more granular and fold in other factors. It’s something I have a natural talent for, I guess.” Noah looked down as if suddenly realizing he might have been coming off as bragging.

“This is utterly fascinating. I… wow.” Mel was deeply impressed. Moreso, her story-hungry personality wanted more. This held so much inspo potential for her. She wondered if she could ask him for his number without coming off as weird. 

“Listen, I am always looking for… experts on things, to help me with research, make sure I’m getting things right. I… would you be willing to let me pick your brain a little more at some point? I could buy you dinner, or something.”

“Oh, um,” he stuttered suddenly, pulling back a bit. His eyes tightened, and Mel realized she’d somehow overstepped.

“Oh, sorry, that’s me being overzealous. I apologize.” She held up her hands as the big man literally shifted back from her. “I… um yeah, just pretend I never asked. I’m sure I can research this on my own.” Mel felt awful. He was obviously uncomfortable. This was a problem she had. She was usually fairly introverted, but if you clicked on her passions, she kind of went from zero to a hundred. She wished he could see her apologetic smile. 

“Um, sorry, yeah, I’m just really busy and…” he petered off. Ouch, Mel thought. Okay, so maybe she’d been a little too enthusiastic, but he didn’t have to get so tense. He was obviously misinterpreting her intentions. 

She sat back and let her eyes drift again to her laptop as the moment petered off into a slightly uncomfortable silence. Mel bit her lip and stared at the stickers on her cover. That all suddenly went from hot to totally cold. Fine, if he would react in that extreme manner, then best not get into it with the guy. He was a total stranger on a plane anyway. Could be a serial killer, for all she knew.

“No worries!” she said with false brightness, cutting a quick look over at him, pushing a smile into her voice and eyes. “I better get back to work on this anyway, or my agent will have my head!”

“Sure, sure… can’t let down the women of the world who are in need of their smutty romances!” he joked. It didn’t entirely remove the awkwardness, but it gave them enough space so everyone could save face and go back to what they had been doing. 

Mel flipped her laptop open again, popped back to her browser, started a new document, and rapidly typed in a few notes about personality science. Embarrassment notwithstanding, it was fascinating and something she wanted to learn more about. It could be an interesting job for an MC or help her better ascribe motivations to her characters. 

Once she had enough jotted down, she slipped back into her story doc, skimmed back to the talk between Kell and Matty, and started rewriting the interaction, nodding to herself as she did so. Regardless of his sudden withdrawal, the guy had good ideas. Mel paused to pop back in her earbuds, got back on the playlist she’d been building for this story, then dug in and returned to the flow.

Occasionally, she felt peripherally aware of Noah’s attention on her or her screen. It felt different now, a bit uncomfortable since he’d suddenly pulled back and gotten weird, but whatever. She put it out of her mind, and after re-working several parts, Mel went on and pushed forward with the story. She did, as she skimmed past the sex scene, suddenly feel a frisson of embarrassment that the guy had basically been reading over her shoulder when she was writing it. Ugh. She again refocused and quickly moved on. She could go back and edit that section later.

Like what you've read? If you are interested in reading the full story, drop me a line at stylesmackinnon1@gmail.com!