Bleedin' Bookish - Chapter 1

This is the sequel to Being Bookish and a continuation of Nick and Mae's story, starting with their wedding. A friend of mine, when I said I just wasn’t sure where I wanted to end the story, asked me why it had to end after all, if I’m writing for myself and not concerned about publishing. It’s not like it has to be a discreet book, so this has become the never-ending story, literally, I just keep adding to it.

It also, however, has kind of turned into a fanfic of my own characters, like I don't know why, but eventually everybody’s getting it on with each other, lol. Still, I love these two so much, and I just find I keep coming back to them over and over in different ways, and regardless of anybody else who gets involved with them, at the end of the day, it is truly only them for each other more than anything else.

Status: perpetually in progress, but going on 2 books worth in length, it's like, 22 seasons og Grey's anatomy with no end in sight 
Genre: Contemporary
 Romance: M/F with polyamorous and bisexual elements TW:

• Gun Violence and Medical Trauma: The story contains an on-page armed attack in which major characters are shot. It includes significant blood loss, emergency surgery, an ICU stay, pain, medication, nightmares, physical recovery, and fear that a loved one may die.

• Mental Health and Trauma: The narrative includes General Anxiety Disorder, severe panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, emotional shutdown, trauma responses, nightmares, fear of abandonment, and relationship strain following a life-threatening event. There are also discussions of therapy and psychiatric medication.

• Grief and Depression: The story contains recurring grief over the death of a parent, survivor’s guilt, complicated grief, and recollections of a past depressive episode involving excessive sleeping, numbness, despair, and difficulty functioning.

• Violence and Threatening Behaviour: The book includes physical fights, military-combat recollections, threats, intimidation, workplace security operations, and descriptions of serious injury and death. A character recounts witnessing a fellow soldier bleed to death.

• Stalking, Harassment, and Privacy Concerns: The narrative includes unwanted online attention, jealous and possessive behaviour, personal information being located through internet searches, invasions of privacy, threatening encounters, and concerns about personal safety.

• Relationship Conflict: The story explores jealousy, possessiveness, emotional dependency, fear of loss, withdrawal from a partner, intense arguments, temporary separation, and concerns about unhealthy relationship dynamics. It also includes discussions and exploration of attraction outside the central couple and a developing polyamorous dynamic.

• Chronic Illness: The story depicts POTS, dizziness, weakness, fatigue, and symptoms worsened by heat, exertion, stress, and sexual activity.

• Substance Use: Alcohol use and intoxication appear throughout the story. Prescription pain medication, including morphine following a shooting, and antidepressant medication are also depicted.

• Sexual Content: The book contains frequent and highly explicit consensual sexual content, including masturbation, oral sex, penetrative sex, anal sex, pegging, sex toys, public and outdoor sex, group sexual activity, and bisexual encounters. BDSM and power-exchange elements include restraint, domination and submission, consensual resistance, rough sex, biting, bruising, spanking, hair pulling, praise, degradation, and the use of safewords.

Chapter 1 - The Wedding

“You need to take a deep breath.”

“A deep breath? How can I take a fecking deep breath, Cal?” 

Nicholas Leif wasn’t quite sure how he’d gotten himself into this situat– ok, ok, he knew exactly how. Roughly nine months prior, he asked the woman he loved, his Bookish, his Mae, if she’d make a semi-honest man of him. So now, here he was, pacing in a back room at The Club of Knights, a lovely local event space, trying not to lose his ever-loving mind. 

“Irish, come here, buddy,” Caleb reached out, easily grabbing his best friend’s arm and tugging him over into a hug. Nick stiffened at first, wanting to pull away so he could resume pacing. But after a moment, he let himself take a deep breath and relaxed into the embrace. Caleb always did give the best hugs, spine cracking sometimes. 

But this time his hold was firm but easy, not messing up the bespoke suit, elegant and fitted, that Nick sported. The trim waistcoat and jacket accentuated his lean form but also showed his broad shoulders off to a good advantage. His hair was artfully styled, and Caleb had been grabbing his hands ever since the hairdresser finished with Nick to keep him from mussing it. His long face was freshly shaven, the flush on his cheeks and the tips of his ears perhaps a bit darker than usual. His bright green eyes sparked behind his black-framed glasses, though a bit too much white was showing around them at the moment. He pulled gently back with a murmured thanks. He couldn’t hold completely still, though, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet in the new red leather Converse hightops he was wearing. 

“Cal, what if I forget my fecking vows?”

“You have an eidetic memory, and you have them written down.”

“What if I trip walking down the bleeding aisle?”

Caleb rubbed a hand over his face and his freshly trimmed short beard. “Nick, you’re not the one walking down the aisle.”

“What if she does a runner Cal?” Nick was starting to wind up again, “What if it’s just like the fecking Runaway Bride movie? What if she goes tearing off down the aisle with Socrates hanging onto the end of her train? She has that bloody laugh, sounds just like Julia Roberts, it could happen! Feck! I’m no Richard Gere Cal! I’m no bleeding Richard Gere!” Nick wrung his hands and resumed pacing.

That’s the heart of it, Caleb thought. He stepped up to Nick, halting him in his tracks. He tapped his best friend’s forehead. Nick scowled, knowing all too well what that meant.

“Nick think it–”

“Yeah, yeah, think it through. What do the facts say?”

“And?” Caleb crossed his arms, which bulged a bit in his equally handsome suit.

“That she puts up with my worthless arse.”

“Try again.”

Nick sighed and finally flopped down in a small armchair, hanging one lanky leg over the arm. 

“She loves me,” he muttered, picking at his fingernail. Caleb kept staring at him. Nick turned his gaze up to the ceiling, raised his hand to run his fingers through his hair, caught himself, and lowered his hand. “She loves me a lot.”

“She adores you.”

“Hmm.”

“She’s head over heels Nick.”

“Even though I was a right prat.”

“Ancient history. You were a human, no one here can throw stones, man.” Nick nodded absently, staring again at his fingernails. 

Leaning against a wall to one side, Arden, Briar’s brother, chewed the inside of his cheek and judiciously kept out of the discussion.

“I just love her so bloody much Cal.” Nick jiggled his foot. “Been almost two years. You’d think we’d be tired of it all. But damn, she comes in from riding in her bike kit and I just have to…” Nick trailed off and cleared his throat. Caleb rolled his eyes. “Sorry mate, I know you hate when I–”

“Oi! I’d love to hear more about that lass in her bike kit!” Thom came bursting into the room, grinning, tugging a bit at the collar of his suit. “Truly makes a man’s blood run hot, just–”

“Ah fuck off, Thom!” Nick growled, then pulled up short. “Wait, is it time?”

“Aye lad, it’s time.” Thom grinned. “C’mon you silly cunt, stop mooning about and go marry your lass.” 

*****

Mae stared at herself in the full-length mirror. Her dark hair was in an updo, tendrils softly framing her face. She brushed her hands down the sides of her dress. It was a spaghetti strap V-neck, the bodice covered with beautiful flower appliques that flowed down and over the hips, petals drifting across the tule outer skirt that kissed the floor, scalloped in shape, with a very slight train that dragged just behind her. The dress was a soft antique white, the flowers in various shades of sage, from pale to dark. Her makeup was in muted shades of plum. She had finished the look with some dark sage-colored dress shoes in a low heel that had silver metallic colored vines climbing up the back of them. 

Her white gold charm bracelet graced her wrist. It was the same hand where her engagement ring gleamed softly. She wore a simple white gold necklace in a similar braided pattern as her bracelet. Nick had given her the necklace as a birthday present to go with her charm bracelet. It was the bracelet he’d given her with great nervousness and hope early in their relationship to show her how much she meant to him. It was, like her engagement ring and the necklace, a lovely custom piece. It sported tiny charms of a teacup and a book charm that matched the one on a leather cord necklace she’d gotten him before they had even been a couple. There was also a little cat paw and a small heart with a tiny emerald set in it. The last charm was a miniature reproduction of her engagement ring. 

About a year into being together, Nick had presented her with the charm, and when she’d looked up from examining it, she’d found him, looking utterly terrified, holding out the full-size version of the ring in a trembling hand. Mae chuckled softly as she looked in the mirror with some amazement. 

“I never thought I’d do this.”

“Do what?” Briar was touching up her makeup.

“Get married. I mean, I just never thought much about it. I was happy being on my own. I think when I was young, I envisioned some boyfriend who lived in his own place so I could have somebody, but still have my life just the way I wanted it.” She chuckled again. “Never thought I’d end up in my early forties getting married.”

“It’s funny how things happen when we least expect it, isn’t it?” Briar gave Mae a knowing smile. 

“It is,” Mae agreed, grinning. Just then, Briar’s phone chirped.

“Oh dear, sounds like Nick is tipping over a little.” Briar poked at her phone, brow furrowed. 

“Is he ok?” Mae turned, worried.

“Yeah, he’s fine, he just got it in his head that you might pull a Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride.” Briar chuckled. Mae threw back her head and laughed.

“He’s ridiculous,” she said, the fondness and love evident in her voice.

“Oh he’s a right eejit,” Nick’s sister Siobhan snorted. “But he’s mad for you, so he must not be completely useless.”

“Yeah, that boy, he’s a royal nerd, but it works since you are too.” Renny was putting the finishing touches on his makeup. “There!” He spun around and struck a pose. “Am I not a vision?”

“You know it’s my day, right? I mean, you get that you aren’t the one getting married, right?”

“Yet.” Renny glanced back and pursed his lips, eyeing himself thoughtfully in the mirror. Briar and Mae exchanged a wide-eyed glance. 

“Alright, ladies, let’s get this girl married.” Renny turned and slipped an arm through Mae’s. Briar took her other arm, and laughing, they headed out, Siobhan chuckling behind them.

*****

“Seriously Cal, will you catch me if I pass out? I might pass out. I think I’m gonna pass out.”

“Bloody hell, here you twat!” Thom reached past Caleb and shoved a flask into Nick’s hand. “Get yourself together, lad! Jaysus.”

“What? I can’t do this in front of the Vicar, bloody hell!” 

“Nick, language!” Nick’s mother smacked his arm.

“I am not a Vicar, stop calling me that. I’m your officiant. Jesus, why did I agree to this?” Grace muttered and rolled her eyes. Caleb smiled and gave her shoulder a squeeze. Grace stared at him till he removed his hand. Nick took a short pull from the flask and started coughing. Caleb thumped him on his back.

“Aye, that’ll put hair on yer chest lad,” Thom said with satisfaction. 

“Guys, seriously we need to get lined up, this is starting.” Arden herded everyone in line, shaking his head. “Grace you need to go ahead and start. Nick, you’ll follow with your mother. The bridesmaids are coming any minute, so get going!” Grace gave Arden a firm nod and strode out the door into the garden and down the aisle. 

“Ah, mum, you’re a vision.” Nick leaned over and kissed his mother’s cheek. Tears were already welling up in her eyes. 

“Now don’t start or I’ll start,” he reprimanded. “Can’t be crying before the bloody thing even gets going!” 

His mother dabbed her eyes and smiled. She took his proffered arm, and they headed down the aisle. He handed her into one of the lovely rattan-style chairs. The garden was beautiful and blooming. Candles flickered everywhere. 

The wedding was intimate and perfect, Nick thought. He stopped under the small archway woven with vines and blooms. A string quartet played softly. He watched, his heart in his throat, as his sister, Siobhan, and his friend and rugby mate, Thom, came down the aisle. The dark sage dress she wore looked lovely against her red hair. Thom actually looked quite dashing, his fiery red beard tamed for once and his wild red-blond hair combed back. He gave Nick a wink as he took his place. 

Next, Briar’s brother Arden and Mae’s best friend Renny walked down. Arden cut, like his sister, a striking figure. Tall, with silvered dark auburn hair and amber eyes, he held the arm of the younger Renny, who was lithe and beautiful in the sage dress suit he wore. Renny was actually Mae’s Man of Honor, but they’d all agreed to walk down with their significant others, so lastly came his best man, Caleb, and the lovely Briar Rose. They were, as always, almost scarily beautiful together. His friend, imposing and handsome in his suit, his hair tamed into a queue, his blue eyes piercing. Briar, his lovely Valkerie, was tall and as beautiful as her brother was handsome. 

You can almost see the heat waves coming off them, Nick thought. Briar came to stand next to Renny, and Caleb came to Nick’s side. He gave Nick’s arm a small squeeze. 

The music changed to an elegant string arrangement of Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes. Everyone stood, and Nick felt his heart lodge in his throat. Suddenly, there she was, in the most beautiful dress he’d ever seen. It took his fecking breath away. Her golden tan skin glowed with some soft shimmer, and her dark, soft hair was pulled up to show off her lovely throat. Those deep green eyes he could lose himself in looked up and caught his, and suddenly Nick couldn’t breathe. 

Bloody hell, he thought in horror, I really am going to pass out. 

She was on her father’s arm, and as she met Nick’s gaze, she broke into an absolute grin. 

Suddenly, Nick felt something inside him break free. He took a deep, aching breath. His nerves left him, and all that was left was that overwhelming feeling, that building swelling in his chest. She was walking towards him, and he felt like he might just die from the sheer happiness he felt. 

Her father kissed her cheek and went to sit with her mum, both of them smiling. Nick felt that pang in his heart. How he wished his Da was there to see his beautiful Mae. It would always be a hole in his heart, but he knew he was so blessed as he looked out at his family and friends and his beautiful, silly, smart, geeky girl. She came up and held his hands. He lowered his forehead for a moment to hers. 

“Oi, Bookish,” he murmured. “Getting married, aren’t we?”

“Yes we are, my beautiful, ridiculous man.” He chuckled and pulled back to look at her.

“You’re simply stunning, pet.”

“You aren’t too shabby either.” She grinned that infectious grin at him, and he smiled back in delight.

“Alright,” Grace said, “let’s get this show on the road.”

They’d agreed to keep it simple. Neither of them was religious nor wanted things to be long or fussy. 

Briar read “All I Know About Love” by Neil Gaiman.

“This is everything I have to tell you about love: nothing.

This is everything I've learned about marriage: nothing.

Only that the world out there is complicated,

and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,

and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,

is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,

and not to be alone.

It's not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it's what they mean.

Somebody's got your back.

Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn't want to rescue you

or send for the army to rescue them.

It's not two broken halves becoming one.

It's the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home

because home is wherever you are both together.

So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,

like a book without pages or a forest without trees.

Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.

Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.

Because nobody else's love, nobody else's marriage, is like yours,

and it's a road you can only learn by walking it,

a dance you cannot be taught,

a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.

And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,

not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.

And your hands will meet,

and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.”

Siobhan sang Hoizers “Take Me to Church” in a lovely mezzo-soprano voice while Grace directed Nick and Mae to sign the marriage license. Nick mouthed the words of the song as he looked up in her eyes. 

My church offers no absolutes

She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom"

The only Heaven I'll be sent to

Is when I'm alone with you

I was born sick, but I love it

Command me to be well

A-, Amen, Amen, Amen

When they got to what would normally be the vows, Grace explained to those gathered that Nick and Mae had chosen to instead frame it as “love notes” to one another. Nick tugged the paper out of his pocket in case, though he had, with his basically eidetic memory, memorized it.

“Mae,” he swallowed and finally forgot himself, running his fingers nervously through his hair, mussing it. 

“I couldn’t have imagined I’d be so lucky as to end up here with you. You were, first and foremost, my friend. My dear Bookish, who I spoke to every single day, whose mind challenged and delighted me. Every day, I am still blessed to talk to you, but now I get to do it in person, and it truly is a joy. 

“How we came together is right mad, and I know for a long time I gave you little reason to trust me. Ah Mae, I’m so glad you decided to give me a chance to prove to you I could be the man you deserve. I know I won’t always be perfect at it, but I’ll do my best to keep showing you how much I love you. You are a gift, Bookish, my darling, darling girl.” 

Ah feck, there went the bloody tears. He sniffed and tried to keep from blubbering all over her. Her eyes grew shiny, too, and she smiled. She paused and reached out to cup his face in her hands. 

“I’m right here Brit,” she whispered.

“Ta, having a lot of feelings, yeah?”

“Yeah, same.” They stood that way momentarily, and Nick took a deep breath, settling a bit. Only then did she let go of his face and step back. She grinned a little ruefully.

“I never liked the whole idea of vows,” she admitted. 

“How can we promise anyone anything and be sure of it? We are such fallible creatures. But I will say this: I have so much love in my heart for you, Nick. I never thought I would want to have something like this. I thought I was content with my life, and then you came into it like a whirlwind!” The small crowd chuckled, and Nick grinned a little ruefully himself. 

“You are this amazing mix of brilliance and playfulness, and you just speak to my heart, my mind, and my body. I’m wise enough at least, to know what a precious and singular gift that is. I love that we have so much fun together! I’m also proud that we’ve had some difficult times and come out the other end stronger. I love this life we share, and I will work hard to treasure and protect and build on it, Nick.” He squeezed her hands, and she sniffled a little herself and smiled back. 

“Right,” Grace nodded. “So, are you ready to make this thing official?” Nick and Mae both chuckled along with those gathered and nodded. They exchanged the rings made by the same artist who had designed Mae’s other jewelry and her engagement ring. Both were simple white gold bands with a delicate braided vine design etched into them.

“Nick, Mae,” Grace gave them both a rare smile. “You have come here today of your own free will, seeking a union with each other and, in the presence of your family and friends, have declared your love and commitment to each other. By the power vested in me by the internet and the State of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You can take it from here.” 

Nick nodded with a grin and wrapped his arms around Mae, dipping her dramatically and kissing her with passion. Everyone cheered. 

“Congratulations, Nick Leif and Maeve Whitman!” Grace was outright grinning now and even tolerated Nick’s quick but enthusiastic hug. Nick took Mae’s hand, and they strode down the aisle, the rest of the wedding party following behind, smiling and chatting. 

The gathered friends and family headed into the cocktail lounge to relax and enjoy libations and hors d'oeuvres. After a few brief photos, the wedding party joined the rest of them, and they eventually moved into the Ballroom for dinner and dancing. 

Caleb made a short toast, telling of how he’d thought he might kill Nick during those first few weeks of rooming with him at Berkley, but how one night they truly connected and how deep that friendship had been once it was forged. Typical of Caleb, he was succinct and brief, but by the time he spoke of how he knew, from the joy he’d found with his own lovely Briar, what a gift it was that Nick had found Mae, his voice actually cracked. Well, Nick shed some bloody tears again, but who could blame him? Quite a few others were equally shocked to see that level of emotion from the normally stoic Caleb, but Briar merely smiled knowingly and pulled him into a hug once he sat back down next to her. Mae looked like her heart might melt.

Renny gave a little longer but utterly hilarious toast, speaking on what his friendship with Mae meant to him and how protective he’d been when she and Nick first became involved. How unsure he’d been at first about that ‘Doctor Who-looking fucker.’ Amazingly, perhaps due to the presence of Nick’s mother, he’d not completely embarrassed Nick by trotting out his ‘Aging Fuckboi’ past. He did manage to toss in a warning, though, which Nick took to bloody heart, knowing the man as he now did. 

“You hurt her, Dr. Who, and the terror and pain I will rain down upon you shall be EPIC!” Renny declared in a biblical voice. The crowd laughed, but Nick didn’t, knowing how seriously Mae’s best friend and “introvert wrangler” was when protecting his best friend.

“You won’t need to mate, never. She’s everything I ever wanted. I’ll never put this at risk again,” he murmured low enough for it not to be heard by the crowd but so Renny could understand how serious he was. They looked at each other thoughtfully and nodded to each other. They had an understanding. 

From there, the evening rolled on with some fun and silliness. Of course, the first song they danced to was Katy Perry’s Roar. Mae and Nick had actually worked out a simple routine and practiced it at the dance studio where she and Renny took lessons, with much laughter. There had also been the occasional distraction when Nick would have to kiss her at ‘that moment,’ and then they’d kind of forget about the whole dance routine and end up in a different type of dance altogether. Once, Renny had even walked in on them and screamed about going blind and how they needed to put their clothes back on and just why? But eventually, Nick had mastered it, and having her in his arms like that, well, bloody hell, there wasn’t much better in the world than dancing with his girl, except perhaps, dancing with her at the fecking wedding he’d never thought she’d let him talk her into, but here they were and he was about the happiest he could imagine. Just her and fecking Katy Perry, and every time he could manage to pull himself away from her glorious green eyes, all he saw was friends and family smiling with happiness for them. 

*****

Mae had insisted they do all the wedding ‘things’ early so people wouldn’t feel obligated to stay past a time they wanted, so they quickly did the whole tossing the bouquet (she’d adamantly refused the stupid garter thing), which Briar’s friend Shannon had caught then turned all shades of red over. There was something going on with her and that cute guy who she knew had worked for K&L. Mae didn’t know the whole story but figured she’d get it eventually from Briar. They cut the cake, a lovely confection that had been designed to look like a stack of books, which Mae had to admit she adored. She’d had a dance with Herbert Jameson, who had admitted to her that he was so delighted to see her so happy with Nick. 

I hadn’t been unhappy without him, she couldn’t help but think, but she understood Herbert’s meaning and was very pleased that he liked Nick so much. In fact, he called Nick and Caleb “the boys” with some affection and seemed to be sending a lot of work their way nowadays, which was apparently fine with them—the whole evening turned out to be simply lovely. 

She would never have assumed or admitted it, but marrying that crazy, silly man, with a small group of friends and family in attendance in that beautiful garden, and now dancing and celebrating in this lovely ballroom, well… it didn’t suck. 

She’d chosen to simply look at it as a fancy party to celebrate this amazing relationship she had with Nick, her ‘Brit.’ This crazy, geeky man who, despite all obstacles, she had ended up madly in love with. Looking at it that way made it easier not to let anxiety overwhelm her. She found herself suddenly blinking in surprise, realizing that the evening was coming to an end. 

They’d booked a suite at The Setai, a luxury hotel, for two nights, then planned to fly off to Ireland for a couple of weeks. They would stay with Nick’s mom and visit with family for a couple of days, then go off to stay for a week at Dromoland Castle, revel in some luxury, then come back to Dublin and round the trip off with Nick showing her all his old haunts and spend a little more time with family and friends before returning to Miami. 

It had been an interesting evening. She’d watched Briar’s friend Shannon in close confidence with that guy, Jonah. She was pretty sure that was his name. She’d watched with delight as Renny and Arden had cut up the dance floor. She kept thinking about Renny’s brush-off ‘not married yet’ comment and wondered what might be ahead for her best friend.

She and Renny had done several of their routines, at his insistence, of course. Still, it had been kind of fun to see the amazement on the faces of friends and folks who had no idea Mae could dance like that. Best was the stunned and hungry look Nick always got when he watched Mae and Renny dance. Time actually flew, and suddenly it was the moment they were to say their goodbyes. 

They were supposed to walk out to the private car that would take them to The Setai. Of course, instead of some over-the-top limo, they were taking one of K&L’s elegant personal cars. She held Nick’s hand and laughed as they jogged past their friends, who tossed wildflower petals over them, the theme song from Doctor Who playing over the sound system in the background (Nick's idea of course). They tumbled into the car, and suddenly Mae was in Nick’s long arms, and he was grinning at her, his eyes huge and bright behind his glasses.

“Oh, bloody hell! We did it, didn’t we pet?”

“That we did.” She grinned at him. He held her by the waist, but loosed one hand to cup her face. 

“Ah, Bookish, I just love you so fecking much…” he leaned down and brushed her lips with his own, and the shock that went through her reminded Mae of the very first time they had kissed. That silly Katy Perry song had been playing, and his expression shifted to one of hope and intensity. He’d looked into her eyes like he was searching for something. God, that man, that man she’d been so attracted to, who, yes, if she was honest, she’d been falling for… Suddenly, his lips were on hers, and he’d said…

“Ah, like you were made for me, yeah?” Nick pulled back from the deep, soft kiss and was startled to see his bride looking at him with such intensity that it pulled him up short.

“Everything ok, love?” Nick feathered his fingers along her face and nuzzled his cheek against hers. 

“I just, oh fuck, Nick,” and there were the tears. She buried her face in his neck and cried softly, “just so much… feeling.” Nick swallowed hard; she needed him to be strong now, but he was in a right state himself. He took a long, deep breath as he pulled her tightly into his arms. 

“Ah, come now, pet,” he soothed her, rubbing her back and nuzzling her soft hair. Mae being Mae, she only let herself go for a bit. Eventually, she sniffled and sat back, grabbing some tissues from a box someone had conveniently tucked in the back of the car. She carefully blotted, trying not to muss her makeup too much. 

A hungry thought of good, because I want to be the one to make a mess of you tonight, raced through Nick’s mind. He had to clear his throat a bit and shift at the effect that started to have on him. She gave him a watery smile, and he grinned back at her, arching his thick eyebrows a bit and trying to look rakish. 

Her smile grew warmer, and her cheeks flushed prettily. It was never as obvious as it was on his own fair skin, but Nick had made it his bleedin’ job to study her lovely face and learn her. He’d attacked it like he did anything he set his powerfully analytical mind to. He could read that she was both amused by his antics and aroused a bit, and that sounded like right where he wanted her to be as they sat back together. For a while, they just looked quietly out at the night through the car windows. 

Nick gently laid his hand next to hers so the edge of their pinkies were just barely touching. He kept his face turned away, looking out the window at the lights of the city. He heard the soft intake of her breath when, after a while, he reached out his finger and curled it around hers. They sat that way for a bit, then he softly sighed.

“I was so bleedin’ terrified,” he kept his tone conversational though his heart pounded at the remembrance. 

“I was still confused about what all this shite I was feeling meant, but I knew I wanted more… everything with you, so badly… Christ.” Nick swallowed, then, after a moment, continued. “I didn’t even do it consciously. It was driving me mad, feeling like your hand was right there. How I could feel that little touch of your finger against mine. Damn, I wanted to reach over, grab your hand, but I just couldn’t. Next thing I knew, I’d done this.” He squeezed her finger with his. She squeezed back, still looking out her own window. Like that night, the air suddenly felt heavy with significance. 

Nick didn’t often talk to her about those early days. He felt like a right prat for how stupid he’d been. He was disappointed about how he’d missed so many opportunities because he felt he had to wait to lure her in. He also hated, hated how he’d fucked up so utterly that she had stayed away for well over a month. He’d thought it would be forever. It very well could have been. Even now, the mere thought made his throat grow tight.

He had broken down in the wake of that, totally and utterly. It hadn’t just been over fucking things up with her, though that had certainly been most of it. So no. No, he didn’t normally talk about moments like that one in his car, driving her home from the evening at Caleb and Briar’s. That could have been the night he’d kissed her. Could have maybe set everything off differently. Or, he still could have screwed up, and maybe she would not have given him that second chance. The thought of all the variables, of how easily he could have lost what he had now, still sometimes weighed on his belly like a stone. He swallowed hard. Suddenly, though, Mae spoke up.

“I was so surprised. I didn’t… my mind was racing, wondering if it meant anything or not. Every time I thought maybe you were doing… something, you’d turn it friendly. That moment in the car it felt so… intense, I guess? My chest was filled with butterflies and fear.” Mae didn’t turn from her own perusal of the night outside her window as she spoke.

“Bleedin’ Peter Gabriel,” Nick muttered, and Mae barked a laugh.

“I really thought that moment on my walkway, when you stopped short, and I almost ran into you... When you put your hands on my arms, and we just… stood there. I thought you might kiss me. I kept trying to think what I’d do if you did.”

“Ah, like I said, fecking terrified, yeah? I kept telling myself I was going to make this happen somehow, but you’d thought so little of me. I was trying so hard to change your opinion and was so afraid you’d pull away. I… I panicked, so I hugged you and ran.” Nick took a breath, surprised as it hitched in his lungs, the emotional turmoil from back then suddenly fresh in his chest. 

“Fecking Briar had already spooked you so badly. If I’m honest, I also wasn’t being honest with myself and my heart. I kept telling myself I’d ‘win you over,’ whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. I didn’t know what I’d do once I accomplished that. Kept saying to myself I didn’t want anything serious, while all the time I would fantasize about spending my days with you in the wee house.” Nick chuckled and squeezed her finger again. 

“Such a bloody eejit! Caleb, Briar, even Arden, they all saw how hard I was falling.” Turning, Nick finally gathered up her hand. Mae looked over and shifted to face him. “That night we finally kissed, I couldn’t hide it from myself anymore, though it scared me half to death. I was falling so hard for you, Mae. Think I had been starting to, really, since the days of our messaging one another when we were just Bookish and Brit. Seemed to me I felt so much, so fast, because I’d had all that time to get to know your mind and your wit. Once I really got that you were also that lovely, standoffish lass from the Poe who’d so entranced me, and you’d warmed some to me, I saw all the things you were. I mean, gods woman! I was utterly a goner.”

“And that scared you.”

“Bloody terrified me. I was so stupid.” Nick couldn’t make excuses for what he’d done after. He couldn't blame the fear, or being unsettled from everything changing between him and Cal, or coming up on the anniversary of his Da’s death… Yes, all those things had happened, but he’d made that stupid, stupid choice. He’d–

It was like she saw the conflict in his eyes, though, and she scooted forward and cupped his face.

“I need you to stop beating yourself up for that, Nick. It’s past. I’ve made my peace with it. You’ve proven yourself over and over these last couple of years, sweetheart. Would I be here with you now if I hadn’t been able to let it go?”

“No,” he murmured softly and, leaning forward, brushed her lips. She nipped his lightly in return, and he felt a flash of heat in his center. Suddenly, there was a bit of a scuffle, and he was on top of her, and her arms were tight around him, and he was snogging her in the bloody car and putting his hands all over that lovely dress of hers, feeling all the places she was soft and all the places she was firm and strong underneath it. He groaned into her mouth, then snapped his head up as he felt the car bump onto the drive up to the hotel’s lobby entrance. He sat up, tugging her with him. 

“Bad bloody luck,” he muttered.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” his girl’s expression was wicked and made his blood even hotter. “We are just that much closer to our hotel suite, love.”

“Ah, brilliant!” He glanced up suddenly, realizing the driver was looking at him from the rearview mirror, his expression impressively neutral. 

“Sorry about that Shaw, didn’t mean to give you an eyeful.” Nick ran his hand through his hair.

“It’s your wedding night boss. No worries, you two just have a fantastic night.” Shaw smiled.

“Ah, capital, thanks mate!” Nick clambered out of the car and helped Mae with all her crinoline and tulle to get out as well. By then, Shaw had grabbed their luggage and was helping a bellboy get it all onto a cart. There was quite a bit, since they were going straight to the airport from the Setai. Nick slapped Shaw on the back and shook his hand, and Mae thanked him with a quick kiss on the cheek that made the normally professional guard and driver grin. 

“Well, shall we, wife?” Nick offered her a brilliant smile and his arm. 

“We shall, husband.” Jaysus, that was the first time she’d called him that, and it staggered him. He tugged her in close as she took his arm and swanned her up to the doors of the lobby, ready to begin this new adventure with her.